Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Today has been a difficult one...

So as Brett posted earlier, I have 10 weeks until I have to be where ever until I deliver. You may be thinking.... wow 10 weeks that seems like a long time and for many pregnant women 10 weeks isn't soon enough. Yet, for me I am looking at it as I only have 10 weeks. It seems as if everyday comes to an end way too soon. Today, it all hit me while I was sitting waiting for my little man, Nathan, to finish at the dentist. He is old enough to go in  by himself and definitely doesn't want his way "not cool" mom to hover. While I was sitting, thinking about my agenda for today, I lost it. This poor man walked in and didn't know what to do. He just kindly sat on the other side of the room.

      For me the most upsetting thing is the time of year that this is all falling around. Thanksgiving for my family is a major event. I was so excited about showing little Olivia off this thanksgiving to all the relatives we rarely get to see. Yet, that won't happen. Then, I was thinking about Nathan's 8th birthday with is on October 23rd. This made me think of the times my mom traveled on my birthday and how much it made me ache on that day. Then my thoughts wisked to Christmas. Christmas time is my favorite time of year. Ever since I was little, I love setting up Christmas lights, putting up the tree and listening to christmas carols. This year, I will most likely miss all of this. So naturally, 10 weeks for me is not enough time.Yet, my ultimate goal is Olivia's health.

     I am a mom first. I love all of my children the same. So while it is hard for me to cope with Olivia's condition, it is also just as hard for me to know I will be leaving my other two babies behind. I hope they will one day understand how much love we have for them. They are the reason I wake up everyday and the hope I have for our future.

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